WOW, It has been soooo long!!! HAPPY NEW YEAR 2008!!!!!! Wishing everyone health, wealth, love, & fun. 祝大家新年快樂, 身體健康, 心想事成, 同自己深愛人的可以高興幸福愉快, 同埋可以賺到大錢...!

Lately, there's been some ups and downs... my life and emotions has been intense. there are so much that i want to do, but yet, so much to stop me. tho, i still have hope and faith in everyway, but patience is limited. i'm metaphoring a rubber-band. i stretch and stretch, im strong and ambitious, but one tinsy tiny nick from snapping. i care about everything that goes around too much, i'm too involved with my surroundings, and the voices that flows throught the thin air. i care, i care about what people think, i care about what people say, i care about what people do. i care! There are things that i just cant bared to walk away from, i dont want to, tho i should, and i might have to. there are also things i should avoid, i tried to, but it's my natural instinct. there are some things i should care more about, and it'll be good for me, but i didnt bother to, its all my fault. there are people who i should be advising from, i listen, but do i act to it? Life is about choices, but there are just way too many to choose from. how should i start? what are the keys of finding myself? my inner-thoughts, my voice within, my self-savior, my dignity, autonomy? where is that adivser when i close my eyes, and think to myself... ? i just got back from the states, i enjoyed spending the very little time i had with my family. tho it was very very short, it was less than 50 hours, but it meant a whole lot more than 50 gizillion tons to me. it was very productive as a family. i sure did cherish every moment of it, and appreciate all the joy we had. family is saint...!!! it's what keeps you motivated not to give up, because tho there are loads of pressure, there are also unexplainable gratification. it's what keeps a soul alive. In many ways, i cant explain my love-life, i cant explain my other half. i cant explain the complication between this relationship, i cant explain why i love him, but i hate him. i cant explain why he makes me laugh so hard, but makes me cry. i cant explain why i'm always fed up with him, but he still melts me. i cant explain why everytime we argue, we hug and make up. i cant explain why we fight and i still feel warn sitting next to him. i cant explain why i want him there by my side, when i know he only wants to play video games. i cant explain why he's soooo immature, but i still want to nourish him. i cant explain it. i just cant!

Time for me to speak out my thoughts.

what i want~

I want to become an artist. not just artist in entertainment wise, but artist as in a painter, drawings, creativities.

I've always LOVED drawing, creating things. i still LOVE it. i started drawing when i was in day-care (kindergarden). My god-mother told me when i was 12. she used to clean up after me when i was a baby, and everytime she walk pass my bunch of papers of drawings, she would pick them up, stack em' in her draw. i never knew she always thought my drawings were creative and artistic until she told me when i was 12. she was my motivation.

When i was 7, i met a real painter. Ray Yip. he was my inspiration, i looked up to him like one day i want to be just like him, but only better. he treated me like a daughter, he became my god-father.

his art peices are hung among some of hong kong's hotels. He lives a big house in shek-o right by the beach. actually his patio is the beach. you're standing in his living room, and you step out to the patio, you can jump right into the water(beach), literally thats what i did. at age 7, that was my dream house. it still is. but it would probably be inheirited to his daughters in the future.

i held onto my hopes and dreams to become a great artist as i head back to the states to further my education. i visited him and his house when i was 12, he still remembers me. actually he was a good friend of my god-sister. he was still my inspiration. his painting were wall sizes, indulging life, light, brightness, happiness. he gave me his postcards (litto minitures of his paintings).. i kept them well, i had them on my wall.

at age 18, i came visiting him again. THAT, was when my dreams SHATTERED~ he disappointed me like no one ever did. I visited him, and he was nice enough to show me the guest-room. it was nice, in the restroom, next to the shower, there was a big window facing the ocean. nice, but it scared me. i dont want people to see me while i'm showering!!! later that day, the sky's already dark. we went swimming at the beach. He reached to my waist, and he tried to kiss me. i was soooo fiercely disappointed in him, pushed him away as i push my dreams and hopes along with this force. he's like 40 years older than me and i've looked up to him for over 10 years, now he try to make a damn move on me! that's hideous! i left right a way! never spoke to hime ever since.

Though life is tough, but i know i would never be like them stupid ass suicido chics givin' it up. At a point i was so down, i caught the DEPRESSION and was on medication. BTW, that runs in the family, that implied how choatic my fam is. it's bits-and-peices, but family is always and forever family. so i love em' no matter what. with life rolling to a vertical slope point, music was my only rescuer (i know that goes for many of us). Soaking myself in different rhythms of others encouragements, support, new inspirations, SOUL~ music was a hand, helping me up from a fall-down. i listen to the lyrics, then the voice, and their emth' their emotions in it. all that to produce what they call a SONG. i listen over and over, life is soooo full of shit, but it is what makes every perspective of human beautiful.

started dancing at 12, joinned AYSC(asian youth services commitee) to give hands and help community, organize events for teens to have fun in a safe enviorment.

at 13 i was learning to dance jazz, hip-hop, a bit of ballet, and alot of freelance. difference between dancers from states and dancers from HK, is that HK chics thinks the thinnier the better until they becomes a skeleton, which in another words, the flatter the better. in US, dancers are thick, they gotz meat, they've got thighs, but firm. thats what i gainned. so comparing to HK gurl, i'm big, but back in the states, i'm skinny comparing to them. but i thing i know for fact, i'm stronger than gurls in HK.

at 14, aside from dancing, i lion dance, and did martial arts.

still dancing, at 15 i joinned Alpha & Omega (greek- Beginning & End), dance group formed by 5 gurlfriends and i was the youngest among them. dancing was raw love to me.

at 16, joinned a dance performance team REINCARNATION (much love for it and the people inside.)<3 performed big and small shows withem, and gainned some real friends. i learned to hold tight with everyone. i learned teamwork conquers mostly anything, it is bold!

all that dancings was still not enough, at 17 i also joinned "Seven Sisters" a dance team formed by 7 gurl from our lion dance team. picked up some chinese dance. and at 17, i competed in the 1st annual Miss SingTao Pageant 2003. won 2nd, they contracted for one year.

at 18, finally legal. i had planned to ship myself off to HK, because US is too relaxing, it makes me lazy, i want to learn things the hard way, so moving myself to a faster pace place. farewell parties with friends...

Sigh~ 19, thought i need to dig myself up. hold strong alone with my spine. i moved alone to HK. i keep searching, searching a way in. modeling agencies, making new friends who are under the hood already. its what people call networking connections, whatever. HK is ALL ABOUT CONNECTIONS <<< thats BS, but thats TRUTH! i know myself, i know i'm not tall enough to be pro model, i'm only 5'5. i know i'm not the prettiest , but i know i'm not ugly! i know i'm not the hottest with the devil's body, but i got what human has, just more. i know i'm not the best singer in the world, but i was born with a voice that can be trainned into "useful". i know i have what it take to be in this industry, i just need a way in, and a bit of trainning. I have self-motivation.

20, realizing i under estimated how hard it is to get into the buz in HK. people cares TOO much for image, but not for talent. sigh~ life's just isn't fair. just have to survive by employing under some honky for loww-a$$ pay.

21, i'm sitting in front of (not)my computer, typing my shitty ass life. so much for dancing for all those years.

but reminiscing mariah carey's Can't take take away, Christina aguilera's Beautiful & Fighter. now, Beyonce's listen & jennifer hudson's And i am telling you... I'm stronger again... muah~

Now~>>>TRUE Inspiration!!! Jennifer Hudson, rejected American Idol at the final 12, but she didnt give up her dream. She thrive & hold tight onto her dream... becomes Hollywood's Oscar winner of Best Supporting Actress from movie <<DREAMGIRLS>> MAD PROPS FOR J-HUD. and she quoted "as long as you are confident in who you are, i dont think it really matters what size you are." that's right! But that's not how it works in HK...

i'll be back in SF during august 22 thru 27... hope to see everyone. i miss reincarnation!!!!!

I'm enjoying & try to get the best outta my visit back in the states.

July12, Wednesday-   My dad pick me up from the airport & went home. I showered, picked up Gerald and head out to lunch with Maggie & Eric @ Sushi House. After lunch, me & gerald went to Auntie Debora's Hair Salon to get my hair cut. Then went to Uncle Stephen's Dental office to make an appointment, turned out he was free at the moment, so i had my teeth washed & made another appointment for the coming thurseday to fill my cavities. ^^HAHA~ Went to China-town, got Gerald a Boba, he dropped it, and it cracked open, so got him another one. And picked up a roast duck for Uncle John. Stopped by Southland Mall for an Estee Lauder Lip Gloss, ans Gerald wanted to find a wallet. Went home (2nd home "my grampa's house") saw Uncle John, he cooked fried rice, I finished eating & passed out on Jessie's bed!!!

July 13, Thursday- Woke up at 6:30am, showered, went over to Dad's (1st home) to unpack. Picked up Jessie, went to china-town to run some errands for my mom. Then went to the cemetery to visit my grama's grave & brought some nice flowers. Went home, picked up Gerald as well, and went to visit Uncle David in San Jose, meanwhile checked for a tattoo that i wanted at his parlor (which i am gettng soon "i designed it"). Also went to early dinner together. Afterward, me, Gerals, & Jessie went to Vallyfair Mall for a bit, then went home, and i passed out again!! 

July 14, Friday- Got up at 8, washed my face, and went to pick up my sister (Mo) from SF airport, and back home. Showered & got ready to meet up with Maggie. We planned to go SF for shopping, instead, we went to Sun Valley, becoz we got kinda late. Afterward, i dropped her off back home, and i went to dinner @ Fuddruckers with my lovely lion dance crew: Barton, Seandan, Jenny, Amy T., Linda, Amy C. it was a very nice moment seeing them again. Later, met up with Mo, coz i had to drive her home, and saw Tony & friends. After dropping Mo off, I (along with Gerald) went bowling at Castro Vally, with Jeanne, Annie mamy, Anne, Linda, Jimmy, Mike, Wilson, & their friends. A while later Sunly, Sally, Jennifer Ma, Steve, Barton, & Cindy stopped by. After everything, Dropped off Gerald at home, I went back to Dad's house. stayed up to clean my stuff, and finally went to sleep at 6am.

July 15, Saturday- Got up at 1, showered & everything, went to lunch with Mo, Jessie, Dad in china-town. Then Cosco, and grabbed everything we need. Dropped off so stuff at Dad's, and went back to Grampa's to pick up Gerald. Then after 2 hours shopping at Fry's eletronics, we stopped by few place for food. Jessie wanted Jollie bees, Mo & Gerald wanted In & Out, & I just wanted to sleep. But then we went to walmart for more eletronics, i ended up buying caramel apple pops. We finally got back to gramp's, i was planning on going back to Dad's, but 2 seconds later i passed out on gramp's couch. haha~

July 16, Sunday- Woke up pretty late, 6am.. haha~ but we were running late for AIDS WALK. so got ready, and drove to SF.. Me, Mo, & Jessie spent our morning & noon at AIDS WALK. it was powerful & i got sun burned!!! Then after, we went to eat at a singaporean/ malaysian/ thai restaurant "Banana Island" with Linda D., Corinne, & other friends. I drove home, while everyone passed out in the car. Then when i got home, i literally passed out myself...~

July 17, Monday- Woke up @ 7am, did the laundry, sat & stared around for a bit, and fell asleep again around 10. Really woke up @ 12:30pm. showered & gone out to shop around 3ish. 7pm, went to dinner with Andrew S. (Haven't had burrito in years!!!) haha~ Then walked around lake merrit, enjoying & appreciating the sceneries. Reminiscing our pass 6 years & sharing our future goals. Later, we went to Oakland hills, stopped by Skyline High (our high school), Then to view the whole bay area. Never realized how beautiful my hometown really is til then. It was a wonderful evening that i would never forget.

July 18, Tuesday- Woke up @ 4am, feeling really blur... when back to sleep, woke up again @ 9am, wandered around the house... feeling for relaxation for the day... just wanna chill... Took a nap around 2ish... got up @ 5pm... finished all my laundry... Went over to Dad's, organized my suitcase... Went online for a bit & listening to Janice- my love my fate, realizes how fragile life is (...or love is)... A bit later, i fell asleep next to my bed, haha~

July 19, Wednesday- Up @ 9am, continue cleaning, ate a bit and head over to gramp's. showered, and went out to meet up with maggie, took the bart to powell, shopped for hours, took the bart back, drove home, unwrapped my new goodies... cleaned, & sleep... haha~ what a day.. hahaha~

We're WUs~ We are a random bunch who are entitled to have fun!~